Grief is the seed that can grow into anger, sorrow, despair and a whole host of other agonizing emotions. It must be pruned and controlled while it grows and flourishes down the natural path it must take. The death of a loved one is a very common reason for grief, but it can happen for many other reasons as well: The ending of a relationship, abortion, miscarriage, illness, injury, foreclosure, loss of a job, anything that causes pain in our lives
The key is to allow God to help you through the process.
My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief
Romans 9:2
Monday
Numbness and Shock
At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” Matthew 27:46
The key word in the scripture above is ‘why”. Jesus knew this was going to happen, but He still asked the question, WHY?
When something bad happens, you have the “hit me in the stomach” pain of the new reality. The numbness and shock will take days to wear off. All of your sensations are replaced with pain in every area. You won’t remember much, for several weeks, your memory will be blurry. Even if you knew it was coming, as Jesus did above, you will still experience the feelings above and start asking “why”.
As you go through the motions of you life, remembering you must eat, try to sleep and be somewhat civil, the growing ache leaves you at a loss for how to live your life in any normal fashion. It is at this time that you must look upward and remember, in spite of the enormous painful throbbing in your soul, you have to ask God for His help. Do not turn your back on Him, even though you are wondering if He is really up there.
Lord, when I have to face the numbness of loss of any kind, please, help me and my loved ones to stay focused on You. Please, help me (us) to keep pointed in the right direction. When I am near someone going through this, help me to say and do the right things at the right time and allow Your love and compassion to flow through me.
The Three D's
Tuesday - Disorganized, Despair, Depression
Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
Psalms 31: 9, 10
The 3 D’s will happen during this time, but it’s OK. It really is. During a time of loss, you will hurt in un-imaginable and sometimes completely new ways, never experienced before, but let it happen.
Nothing is normal at this time, everything is fresh in a horrible, life facing reality, kind of way. Daily hum drum goings-on seem painfully forced. Holidays are completely different in every way, birthdays are scary, paying bills reminds you of life “before”. You wake up in the morning and “it” is still there and your stomach starts to hurt. As painful as this time is, without looking upward for the healing process to begin, you will start to look laterally and start the blame process, either in the mirror or at loved ones.
You must look to God or the pain will consume you like no other force you’ve known, in ways you never thought possible. The process will hurt, but you have to make the decision to let God walk you through the development of your grief. Otherwise, you will allow hopelessness to lead and guide you, and that, my friend, is a very dangerous process that leads to ruin.
Lord, in spite of my pain, please, help me to look upward to You. Help me to see through the tears to where You want me to be during this process. Lord, guide me to who You need me to be near and how You want me to handle each situation.
Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
Psalms 31: 9, 10
The 3 D’s will happen during this time, but it’s OK. It really is. During a time of loss, you will hurt in un-imaginable and sometimes completely new ways, never experienced before, but let it happen.
Nothing is normal at this time, everything is fresh in a horrible, life facing reality, kind of way. Daily hum drum goings-on seem painfully forced. Holidays are completely different in every way, birthdays are scary, paying bills reminds you of life “before”. You wake up in the morning and “it” is still there and your stomach starts to hurt. As painful as this time is, without looking upward for the healing process to begin, you will start to look laterally and start the blame process, either in the mirror or at loved ones.
You must look to God or the pain will consume you like no other force you’ve known, in ways you never thought possible. The process will hurt, but you have to make the decision to let God walk you through the development of your grief. Otherwise, you will allow hopelessness to lead and guide you, and that, my friend, is a very dangerous process that leads to ruin.
Lord, in spite of my pain, please, help me to look upward to You. Help me to see through the tears to where You want me to be during this process. Lord, guide me to who You need me to be near and how You want me to handle each situation.
Which Seed Will Grow?
Wednesday
For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17
Grief not dealt with properly can grow into bitterness and cause you to willingly hurt other people and ultimately yourself. It can grow into a healthy respect for life and God, or it can grow into a sharp pain that leads you down paths that should never be taken. Unresolved grief will invite you to a very dark place that will allow you to hurt people in ways you never considered possible. I personally have seen it over and over, many agonizing situations due to a terribly hurting person who can not figure out why they act out the way they do. The sad part is that many times, what they have done can not be “taken back”. Lives are changed and molded due to a loved one acting-out because of un-developed grief.
We all know that bad things happen to good people. Sin took over this world with Adam and Eve’s decision and therefore, sin currently rules this world. Most of us also know that God can take something bad and allow something good to come out of it. However, can God’s way rule, if you are not allowing God’s grace to help you through your grief? The “dark side” will lure you away from looking upward if you are not cognizant of what is happening. This will be a daily battle for you, but a small one, IF you keep tabs on it. Meaning, the further and further away you allow yourself to walk away from God, the harder it will be to turn around and get back on God’s side. If you decide to water the wrong seed, it could be decades (yes, very likely decades) before you are able to grow your grief into the healthy poignant emotion it should be.
Lord, please, help me to remember to look upward to You as I navigate through this process of grief. Please, help me to make the right spiritual decisions in spite of this difficult process.
For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17
Grief not dealt with properly can grow into bitterness and cause you to willingly hurt other people and ultimately yourself. It can grow into a healthy respect for life and God, or it can grow into a sharp pain that leads you down paths that should never be taken. Unresolved grief will invite you to a very dark place that will allow you to hurt people in ways you never considered possible. I personally have seen it over and over, many agonizing situations due to a terribly hurting person who can not figure out why they act out the way they do. The sad part is that many times, what they have done can not be “taken back”. Lives are changed and molded due to a loved one acting-out because of un-developed grief.
We all know that bad things happen to good people. Sin took over this world with Adam and Eve’s decision and therefore, sin currently rules this world. Most of us also know that God can take something bad and allow something good to come out of it. However, can God’s way rule, if you are not allowing God’s grace to help you through your grief? The “dark side” will lure you away from looking upward if you are not cognizant of what is happening. This will be a daily battle for you, but a small one, IF you keep tabs on it. Meaning, the further and further away you allow yourself to walk away from God, the harder it will be to turn around and get back on God’s side. If you decide to water the wrong seed, it could be decades (yes, very likely decades) before you are able to grow your grief into the healthy poignant emotion it should be.
Lord, please, help me to remember to look upward to You as I navigate through this process of grief. Please, help me to make the right spiritual decisions in spite of this difficult process.
Heal Not Hurt
Thursday
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalms 147:3
Let grief heal you and not hurt you. The same principle applies to grief as it does to many other issues in life, which is: deal with it now and it will make things much easier later. Example: Program speed dials in to your phone and it is easier to dial, later. Another example: hang the clothes up out of the dryer and you don’t have to iron them, later. Grief: don’t hold it back now, let it do what it needs to do instead of dealing with a gaping, oozing 20 year old wound, later.
Not allowing the wound to heal naturally only prolongs the healing, much like a real physical injury. If you don’t allow the wound to mend the way it is supposed to, it will make the actual healing more painful and drawn out.
Even though it’s not fun to stop life “as you know it” and let the injury heal, you have to do it, with God’s help. It’s only after the healing/grieving process is complete that you can define your new normal. Waiting will make it much, much harder and it will not be worth the relational causalities along the way.
Daily decisions must be made to allow yourself to process the hurt. Cry, hit the pillow, journal, pray, talk, and then do it all again, as many times as it takes. Get it out. Cry out to God. He will comfort you, but you must be listening to Him and allowing Him to be there for you.
God, please, help me to get my grief out , where it should be so it doesn’t build up inside of me. Allow my pain to come out in the pillow, the phone, the journal anywhere it can come out. Thank You for helping me with this process.
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalms 147:3
Let grief heal you and not hurt you. The same principle applies to grief as it does to many other issues in life, which is: deal with it now and it will make things much easier later. Example: Program speed dials in to your phone and it is easier to dial, later. Another example: hang the clothes up out of the dryer and you don’t have to iron them, later. Grief: don’t hold it back now, let it do what it needs to do instead of dealing with a gaping, oozing 20 year old wound, later.
Not allowing the wound to heal naturally only prolongs the healing, much like a real physical injury. If you don’t allow the wound to mend the way it is supposed to, it will make the actual healing more painful and drawn out.
Even though it’s not fun to stop life “as you know it” and let the injury heal, you have to do it, with God’s help. It’s only after the healing/grieving process is complete that you can define your new normal. Waiting will make it much, much harder and it will not be worth the relational causalities along the way.
Daily decisions must be made to allow yourself to process the hurt. Cry, hit the pillow, journal, pray, talk, and then do it all again, as many times as it takes. Get it out. Cry out to God. He will comfort you, but you must be listening to Him and allowing Him to be there for you.
God, please, help me to get my grief out , where it should be so it doesn’t build up inside of me. Allow my pain to come out in the pillow, the phone, the journal anywhere it can come out. Thank You for helping me with this process.
The New Normal
Friday
As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, ………What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation. May God’s peace and mercy be upon all who live by this principle; they are the new people of God. Galatians 6: 14-16
Inevitably, life will go on. Seasons will come and go completely unaware of how your world stopped in it’s tracks. After learning what you are capable of physically, emotionally and every other way possible, you will be well on your way to defining your New Normal.
Grief in our lives is always there, the question is, does this influence every decision we make because we view everything through the “lens” of this event? Initially, yes, that will happen, however, it should not stay that way. If you decide to allow God to guide you through the process of grief and healing, you will be able to put the grief aside and be a healthy “new” person. You will never be the same, but you can still be you.
I have personally witnessed many loved ones screech through life tossing and turning while looking laterally for answers and revenge. I have also observed far fewer people look upward. As they looked upward, God used the pain in their lives for good. As a result, they were able to successfully heal and then turn around and help others through their pain. As you navigate through life to find your new normal, rely on God more than any other thing or person in your life.
Dear Lord, when I am ready, please, help me to find my new normal and I want You to be in it, during the entire process.
As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, ………What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation. May God’s peace and mercy be upon all who live by this principle; they are the new people of God. Galatians 6: 14-16
Inevitably, life will go on. Seasons will come and go completely unaware of how your world stopped in it’s tracks. After learning what you are capable of physically, emotionally and every other way possible, you will be well on your way to defining your New Normal.
Grief in our lives is always there, the question is, does this influence every decision we make because we view everything through the “lens” of this event? Initially, yes, that will happen, however, it should not stay that way. If you decide to allow God to guide you through the process of grief and healing, you will be able to put the grief aside and be a healthy “new” person. You will never be the same, but you can still be you.
I have personally witnessed many loved ones screech through life tossing and turning while looking laterally for answers and revenge. I have also observed far fewer people look upward. As they looked upward, God used the pain in their lives for good. As a result, they were able to successfully heal and then turn around and help others through their pain. As you navigate through life to find your new normal, rely on God more than any other thing or person in your life.
Dear Lord, when I am ready, please, help me to find my new normal and I want You to be in it, during the entire process.
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